An Etiquette Lesson for This Classy Guy

Unless I am on a golf course, I never have been one for etiquette, but I suppose at the ripe old age of 30, I need to have this question answered for me. As a T commuter I happen to see a lot of “interesting” things on the train. Ranging from the crazy bastard who is in the midst of a conversation with one of their many personalities, to the middle aged woman dancing in her seat while rocking out to her Ipod, to the wannabe rapper standing there staring out the window spitting verse after verse of crap that won’t ever make him a star.

My burning question however, has nothing to do with any of these. I figured out long ago I don’t care how long I stare at those people, they make me laugh. My question is, what is the etiquette for checking out an impossibly hot chick. I know that you know what I am talking about. I’m referring to that chick that makes every guy on the train freeze while thinking “HOLY SHIT, This chick is amazing!”

I will use an example from last Thursday. I get onto the train at Malden Center and stick my nose in the paper and start reading up on spring training, we pull into Wellington and the doors open up so I peek up from the paper to see an absolute 10 step on the train. She had to be 25ish, blond hair, dressed to the 9s, just ridiculous. Where does this complete smokeshow decide to sit? DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM ME! Hey sweetheart, how the F am I supposed to read the paper with you sitting there? I mean, c’mon. You are probably one of the 10 hottest chicks I have ever seen and now I need to try to not stare at you? Frig.

This my dilemma people! If you know me, you know I am far from subtle. You also know that I have no game and considering my nickname is “Fat Dude” and this chick looks like Nicole Eggert in her prime, I am pretty much screwed. So what happens? What do you think happened? I stared, for what was probably far too long. I couldn’t help it. This chick was ridiculous and there was no way I could have spoken to her. She would’ve laughed right in my face. I know when a chick is out of my league and Nicole Eggert at any point in her life my friends, is so far out of my friggin league I can’t even begin to rationalize me trying to say Hi or Good Morning. So tell me, what is the etiquette on this? Is it fair game? When is it just creepy? Is it creepy now that I have put it in print? I need opinions, I need to find out because if something like this happens again, and you know it will. I need a plan of attack.

 -Fat Dude

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6 Responses to An Etiquette Lesson for This Classy Guy

  1. KP says:

    Proper etiquette would be to admit that you’ve got the gay and leave the poor girl alone.

  2. Fredi says:

    hahahahaha….god she knows you too well FD.

  3. Vinnie says:

    anyone else suspicious that this chick is supposedly a 10 but lives in malden?

    story’s falling apart.

  4. fatdude10 says:

    You can eat shit! A big bag of shit!

  5. Mersy says:

    Take the donut out of your mouth, wipe the shit off your face, and grow the balls to smile and say hello. Then start a conversation. Do that and let us all know how it goes. I got $1 says you get her digits. Anyone want to make a quick buck?

  6. Elias says:

    You should have shown it to her.

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