2011 Baseball Draft – Round 1

1.  (1)  Albert Pujols.  Saint Albert the Great is the best right handed hitter of our lifetime. He is going to eat babies by the truckload this season. He is the obvious first pick in the draft.  (Elias)

2.  (2)  Adrian Gonzalez.  2011 triple crown/ MVP of the Guys Boston Red Sox. By list math, if you take Adrians #’s and put them in Fenway park for 81 games you should expect 300 HRs, 300 doubles off the wall, 5 strikeouts and a .769 average.  (Onicle)

3.  (3)  Hanley Ramirez.  Hanley, once a prized prospect in the Red Sox farm system, was traded just before the 2007 season for a World Series championship. Decent trade. Since then, Hanley has gone on to become a beast, and despite a bit of a down year last year he still maintained a .300 average. The most attractive part about Ramirez, however, is that he seems to be a huge dick head, and will be counted on to set the tone in the locker room this year.  (Fredi)

4.  (4)  Evan Longoria.  Dude just makes the List laugh. Those stories about him trying to pick up smoking hot chicks while acting like a compete tool is too much for me to handle. The 30 bombs and 100 RBI help too.  (Fat Dude of Baseball)

5.  (5)  Miguel Cabrera.  What happens when youre two days into a four day bender, you have a tee time in an hour that you hope you are sober enough to drive to, and you need to make a a fantasy baseball pick from your blackberry? Miguel fucking Cabrera happens.

Will he be good at fantasy baseball? Who knows. What I do know is cabrera has the kind of character you want to build your club around. Worried about playoff pressure? This guy has the balls to take a shot of scotch in front of a cop during a traffic stop and the savvy to work the situation to only get charged with “suspicion” of dwi. That’s turning water into wine (and pounding it in front of the authorities) under pressure.

If the authorities can’t catch him, the media will – right? Fuck no, the guy reaches into his back pocket and effortless plays the sosa card. Sosa card? You know, the one minute I’m loved by all, endorsement deals up the ass, etc. But put the guy in front of congress and I can’t remember the english language. Cabrera played this to perfection yesterday, forcing the tigers gm to do his dirty work for him by convincing us rehab will work this time. Haha, the jokes on anyone foolish enough to drink that kool aid. Well played miggy.

Finally, I have to admit, miggy will always have a soft spot in my heart. After a grueling 162 game season, my minnesota twins found themselves tied in the standings with the detroit tigers. Staring game 163 in the face, playoffs on the line, all players involved must have had their sole focus on winning this game – right? Not miggy. He gets shitfaced, slaps his wife, and gets arrested the night before the game. The media shit storm, coupled with miggy’s absence, results in a twins victory and postseason appearance. Of course my twins were outclassed in the first round of the playoffs, a topic we will revisit later.

Am I concerned about these actions as a fantasy baseball gm? No, in fact I welcome it. For my purposes, cabrera made it through a 162 game season – which is all I care about. Screw the postseason and I’m glad miggy feels the same way.  (Guy)

6.  (6)  Carl Crawford.    Although he comes from the 5th Ward in Houston (which sounds like a creepy place) if he’s good enough for a 7 year, $142 million contract, he’s good enough for my first selection.  (Mers)

7.  (7)  Doc Halladay.   Harry Leroy Halladay III.  Roy (or Doc), as he is more commonly known, is a motherfucking beast on the mound.  In his first year pitching in the NL East, Roy went 21-10 with 9 CGs, 219 Ks and a 2.44 ERA.  The man eats babies and I’m thrilled to welcome him to my squad.  (Legs)

8.  (8)  Tim Lincecum.  Long hair, 250 strikeouts, and one heck of fan of Gary…I’m in.  Plus he plays in San Francisco.  Not much like heading to a bar for the evening, dropping your keys and kicking them home.  (Cheese)

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